Short Story- Part 1

This is just a funny short story I wrote to cheer myself up. Enjoy.

Welcome to Disney Land!!! Just kidding! This is not Disney Land, but more like a hellish and horrific version of such a fantasy park. This is Digilo. Hurry and count to three! Spin around, quick! You must neutralize the curse that has just come upon you! Don’t just stand there and stare, hurry and do it! Oh, wait. No… too late. Yup, you’re cursed. What? It’s your own fault. You should have listened. Don’t get mad at me just because you’re listening skills are lax. Heheh. I was kidding again. Sorry, sorry. It’s just too easy. But, back to business. Here are the facts: you really are in Digilo, a horrid place that is indeed like a sinister version of a certain amusement park. You are in fact all alone here with no help whatsoever and no one is going to come and save you. Most likely, you will suffer a horrendous death and be easily forgotten. But hey, look at the bright side.
…
Hmm. Yeah. See that tiny little light over there under that trashcan? Yeah, that’s the bright side. So look at it. Maybe it will do something interesting—if you’re lucky; which you must not be because you ended up here. And what about me, you ask? Well that’s obvious. … No I’m not going to tell you! I said it was a secret! Oh, I said “obvious”. Well, it’s an obvious-secret, okay! Now where was I? Oh yeah. So, you’ll never get out of here. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, nev—okay this is boring. Tell you what? I’ll give you this map of Digilo. You can just go see for yourself. No, you’ve got it upside-down. Okay, yeah, it goes like this. See that little clown shaped thing? That’s where we are. … I don’t care if you don’t like clowns! Now, see up here? There’s a cave and there’s a place of pain and misery. It’s got a little smiley-face icon, see? Don’t bother asking me. So, you can look around all you want and you’ll see that there is absolutely, positively, and without-a-doubt no possible way out.
What? The big EXIT icon? Pfft. That’s no exit! It’s… well it’s a…
Fine! Go check it out if you want. Go find the “escape” route, see if I care! There is no way I’m leaving the clown area.
O-okay. W-wait for me. I’m not scared! You took my only map! You fiend! You map stealer! You sicken me! And I trusted you. I guess I’ll just have to go along and make sure you don’t steal anything else, sticky-fingers.

I interrupt this story for an important news bulletin. All neighborhoods in the Digilo area; please be on the lookout for a conniving and fiendish map stealer! You’re maps will be stolen and you will find yourself lost on an empty highway with no direction and you will want to cry like a baby. This notorious map stealer will be caught and persecuted upon capture. If you have any information concerning this evil, evil person, please notify us as 1-800-DisneyLand. Be on the lookout and please make sure to keep your maps in a safe and secure location until the perpetrator has been brought to justice. We now return you to your regularly scheduled story.

What? Don’t look at me like that! I was just trying to kill the time. I’m not the criminal here. Anyway, we should be there pretty soon. Oh! Stop! Stop! I just had a brilliant idea! We should… walk at a snail’s pace. Oh, wait; WE’RE ALREADY DOING THAT! Pick up the pace please, unless you want a giant worm-like beast to come over here and eat your fingers off one by one! Hehe, I said please. And besides, you don’t know what kind of terrible creatures lurk around these parts. There are huge, enormous, no… MONSTEROUS… er… monsters about! There are ones with giant, sharp fangs made of… teeth. And small poisonous ones with… poison. And there are even some so horrible and terrifying, just describing them would made your hair spontaneously combust! (That’s ‘catch on fire’ for those of you who like to steal maps)
This is a cruel and unforgiving place. There are those who are eaten, and those who eat the ones who ate the eaten. And then there are those who just die. Yeah, lots of those too. But no one ever escapes, because no one knows where the exit is or even if the exit exists. I can only hope that someday I might exit the existing exit and leave this terrible place. But I doubt even you will find the way out on that silly map. For you see, that silly map is something I like to call “fake”. And like all the fake things in the world, it is usually not very helpful and makes you feel hollow and foolish inside. That’s why it’s a good thing my map isn’t fake. I’d use my not fake map if I could find it but it seems to be missing. So I guess that one will have to do.

to be continued...