Edit Pain!

I don't remember it being this hard before. All I'm doing is editing but it's going so slow and I'm having so much trouble. Whenever I have this much trouble, my imaginated fears snowball out of control and I start to doubt myself and my writing. I need a writing group to talk to. Nothing pushes a writer along like some very-needed feedback.

In Print!!!

YAY! I finally get to see my book in print! My first copy! It's amazing! Nothing makes a writer feel accomplished like holding the final product. But, I've got a lifetime of stories to write, so I'd better get back to work!

Short Fantasy

Now that I'm taking a break, I've started working on a short story called Brace. It's a fantasy story, something different from what I've written before. Same with the short story. This will be my second one ever. Right now, I'm having fun with it. I've come up with a bunch of awesome characters and I can't wait to see them though the story. Hurray for crazy writing obsessions!

FINISHED!!!

HURRAY!!!! Done! Second novel finished! Yes!
Now to wait for a grueling edit. I could use a break anyway. This thing took two years to finish. Now it's done! Almost... But nothing beats this satisfaction. The thing about writing is, you hate it and you love it. All the struggle, all the stress... you know you're a writer when, at the end, it all feels worth it. And I've never been dissatified with finishing something. Especially a novel. Even if it sounds like it sucks the first time around and I'm too embarrased about it to show anyone. So I am a little eager to start editing.
I'm going to be thinking of a sequal, though I don't know if I want to do one yet or not. I'll work out some ideas and see what happens.
:)

Writer's Block-fact or fiction

I was just reading a book that was talking about writing and editing and all that good stuff, and I found that the author had a lot of strong opinions about things. One of the major things is that he doesn’t believe in writer’s block. There is a controversy on that, and I guess it’s still up in the air, but it’s a good point. He believes that writers use ‘writer’s block’ as an excuse to be lazy; that it’s actually just a way of saying that a writer has lost motivation or focus. Honestly, I don’t believe that. I’m a writer who has trouble with it and it’s not because I’m lazy or unenthusiastic. It’s because I can’t see my story in perspective. I can’t write with the normal flow or get right into the snappy dialogue. Still, I sit down at my computer and try. Every time, I try. Some days, nothing at all. But the act of trying even when it’s hard is proof against any laziness. What I think writer’s block is isn’t an excuse, but a term that writer’s use to say that the flow just isn’t coming like it should. It’s a mental block, an obstacle that truly does exist in one form or another. I suppose someone could use it to mean they feel like being lazy, but it’s a general term. For example, when you say you feel sick, you could mean you have a cold, or you could mean that you wish your brother would stop picking his nose while you’re eating dinner.

UNbelievable

I was just looking at my first story again and discovered that the word count is 190,862!!! How the heck did I write that much? I know it took, like, seven years, but come on! Why? I ask myself, why? I had no perspective back then about how long a book is supposed to be. But I've learned a lot already and the average is about 80,000 to 90,000, right? 250 pages? I have a new appreciation for how much work I did on that thing. It was good practice! I'm actually pretty proud of it. Although I'm getting better every day, so now I look at it and want to do another edit. sigh.

Short Story - Part 3

SHORT STORY UPDATE!!! This is my comic relief for the day.

Fweeeet. Fweeeet. Stay quiet. Listen. You hear that whistling? That’s a bad omen right there. We should hurry and find more shelter. If we don’t we won’t survive! And I would very much like to survive! There are so many things I haven’t yet eaten! There are so many people I haven’t yet teased! And I haven’t even been to Disney Land yet! This upsets me so. But never mind your problems. We must continue on. We must find the EEE!
I’m so sorry. I would feel just awful if you were to be frightened or saddened by the misfortune that may (and probably will) come upon you due to my lack of attention for danger. And I am sorry that you are too weak and imprudent to find your own way out of the predicament you have put yourself into by coming to Digilo. I just want you to know that I will try my very best to not let you get eaten by vicious monsters or lost in a terrible and dark place. I promise to look out for your well-being and put your needs before my own. It is for this reason, the fact that I am turning over a new leaf, that I am honest and sincere when I suggest that you should be the one to go into that deep, shadowy, and frightening cave first. Trust that I am only looking out for you. Know that if I were to go in first, I might suddenly fall through the floor or get eaten by a creature and then you would be all alone in this horrid place without your devoted and compassionate guide to help you.
Fweeet. Well, hurry up! Go ahead in! Don’t you hear that whistling? Again? It means something sinister is coming this way. We will most assuredly be safe inside this cavern. Go go go!
See? It’s not so bad once you get used to the constant fear of having something lurking behind you. It’s actually quite peaceful now. Hey, why are we always finding caves to hide in? Why can’t you pick a nice garden or restaurant or something to hide in? Caves are so cliché. And they are way overused in monster movies. I always prefer a good comedy myself. How about you? Nah, forget you. I know! We should do something unexpected; something out of the ordinary since we’re already stretching it with the cave cliché. Let’s run outside screaming like banshees and see what happens! That’s new. That’s interesting. Have you ever known monster movie characters to do that? I think not! Hmm. On second thought, we might get ticketed for disturbing the peace. Let’s just sneak quietly outside and fade into the shadows of the night. That sounds cool, huh?
Oh, wait… do you hear that? That’s not the whistle. I’m going to look outside. Uh… Wow.
Uh-oh. The sky is raining fire! Get down! Head back into the cave! It’s a meteorite shower! The forecast said it would be clear tonight. LIES! If we make it out alive, I’m calling in a complaint.

I interrupt this story (again) because it’s fun to do so—I mean it’s for an emergency! Attention residents of Digilo! We are now under a “meteor” warning. Please stay inside and cower under your beds or cots or cardboard boxes. Do not go outside. I repeat, do not go outside for anything. Partaking of last meals would be a good idea. The meteors are flaming and dangerous. Very, very hot. No touching the flaming space rock.
…
Okay, the shower is over. It is now safe to traverse the outside world—no, I lied! It’s not safe. Not safe. Okay, now it’s safe. Have a nice day.

Well, you heard my forecast report. It’s safe. Let’s go! Outside into the outside place outside. Now would be a good time to search for the EEE. Or we could look for the ever elusive exit key. The EEEK. I bet if we found a key to the exit, we could find the exit and exit the exit and all will be well with the world. What do you think? Oh, watch out for that meteor. Hey, what’s that? No, not the three headed gargoyle. That red light way over there. Is that the exit? The EEE!? Let’s go check it out!

to be continued...

Fight Scene!

I've been trying to learn how to write out fight scenes better. I don't write them very often, so with all the ones in this book I'm writing now, I'm going to need to get a lot more practice. It's just hard to picture the scenes sometimes. And I've re-read some of my older fight scenes and not understood what was going on. I wrote it and I didn't understand!!! That's bad, I know. Practice makes perfect. Or nearly perfect. I'll take either. The most important thing I've learned is to keep the reader in the action. Set a pace. But you have to keep your style. And create interesting sentences. Also, don't get bogged down in details unless they're important. The character going through the battle may be more important than the actual battle. Battles can be broken down into basics. Action and reaction. It's basically one and then the other, just like science, I guess.

Today is Another Day

More writing tonight. same as always. I'm trying to be a little more... scheduled with it. I'm thinking that will help me get things done faster. No more, "oh, maybe I should today, later. Maybe not." It's go time! Word count at 81,951. Not much improvement, but a page an hour is my usual. That's more than enough in my opinion.
In other news, I won first place in a patriotism contest! hurray! $100 dollars to spend in the school bookstore! I'm really proud of the poster I made for it. Maybe graphic designing is not a bad match for me.

Just a writer, writing.

Well, it's getting kinda lonley, but the same goes for everything, doesn't it? Right now, word count is 81,235. Yes, I'm a slow writer, but I prefer not to lay out everything first which always forces me up against road blocks. Still, I wouldn't want it any other way. As for getting back on my writer's feet, I need to read more to get the flow back; write more fluently. After that, I'll get going again no problem. So let's see... James Patterson, again?

Letter of the Seven

What happened? Things were going so great! So smooth! You just had to do that to yourself didn't you? When are you going to finsish things already. I know you must be excited about it. It makes you happy. And we'd all like to see that now and then.
Just keep trying. "Even when it's hard, keep trying." Aren't those your words? I'll still help how I can. I know you're tired, but please, for all of our sakes, just try. You're so close! So close! Eyes on the prize! You can do it!

-The Wish Writer

Update Complete

Okay, this is the final product. And It was really annoying. I'll probably keep tweaking it; I know it's not the picture of Graphic Design talent, but it's good enough for my two-bit blog. Yeah... Maybe now I can think of something to write.

Blog is Changing!

So, My blog is going to be under construction. I've decided that I don't like my layout, so change is coming. Although I know very little about web stuff... Only super basic coding. But I'll figure it out and it'll change probably over the course of the week. I'm hoping the improvement won't put me to sleep every time I visit my own blog. (:

Criticism

I was thinking about criticism and its overall effect on the state of the universe. I've discovered that there is more than one kind. Basically, there are two kinds: the helpful kind that lets you know you're doing something wrong, and the BS jerks write about people's stuff just because they didn't like it. It may just be me, but I think that criticism should focus on the WORK! I've read and heard about a lot of critics who actually attack the writer or artist in their critiques. That's just rude. And wrong and hurtful. Not everybody likes the same things. So obviously, if you don't like somebody's stuff and have a loud opinion about it, great. Go for it. But leave the artist/writer out of it. There's been too much of this going around in politics too. Attacking the personal lives of people for one mistake or just because they don't like them. It's awful. I read a post by Mrs. Paul, who is a fellow writer and blogger. She said that it's best to ignore most criticism, good and bad, because chances are, everybody's wrong about your stuff. It might not be great, but it might not be terrible. Great advice! Never read reviews of your own work unless it's from people you know or trust to be helpful.
I read a book review today for 'Idlewild' by Nick Sagan. On amazon.com, people rate the book from 5 stars to 1 star. The star count was pretty equal fives against ones and twos. And just about everything that the five people said was great about the book, the ones and twos said was terrible. So... what the heck? Makes no sense, you say? Everyone is going to see things differently. And that sucks sometimes, but variety is the spice of life. (I think that's how it goes...)
My opinion: Criticism is vastly overrated.

Nothin' but Words

Okay... word count up to 79,239. My computer has slowed down just enough for me to want to kill it. Frustrating!
Stupid Vista. The memory keeps getting sucked away, although I haven't done much at all. So now I have to do a major cleanup, which means backing up all my word files. All 62 of them. And all my photos. But my home computer had a major crash a few months ago and everything was wiped, so I'm not taking any chances. Triple safety nets. 0_o'
Back to the point, I have a final battle to write and my poor characters had better be ready for the chaos. I hope I'm ready too. I think I've got everything in place. The kinks can be smoothed out later on when I'm in edit mode. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to edit your story before you finish it...? sometimes when I do I lose perspective. I can't look objectively at my story while wanting it to be good(AKA, when I'm actually writing). It just doesn't seem to coincide well. But there's always time for that later. I just need to make sure things add up right and tie all the loose ends up. Which is a pain because often I forget how many strings are really tied on to my story. Thankfully, my subconscious seems to know how to set things up from the beginning so that everything works out in the end. *thanks subconscious*
The hardest part is wondering what the heck to do with an extra bit of story you don't need. Get rid of it, I suppose; always a heartache. But it's best to think of the story. I've been running into the problem a lot lately and I guess I might not have found a place for the extra bulk just yet... Maybe I will later on? But if not, I guess I'll throw a funeral for those poor pieces that just don't belong.

Sheesh

Life is so hard sometimes. What's the good in the world anyway? People? Love? The promise of a new day? Don't think so. Honestly, I live for whatever new world I can find. Nothing more. If I could live forever in a different land, I think I would. I'm so sick of being called 'different' (in the bad way). Even if it's just coming from my own head. What's so great about being a clone like everyone else anyway? Nothing! there's hardly such a thing as 'normal' anyway. Why are people so stupid sometimes!! Gah! Sheesh. I'm going to bed.

Thinking and Writing

I really wish I had a picture to go with my story. It would help me visualize it. I know, writers are supposed to visualize on their own, but I can't always see what I need to see. It's harder to describe a dragon than a cat. I wonder if there's some kind of book full of full-color photos of just a bunch of random amazing places. Probably. There's a book about everything. I still haven't thought of a title either. No big deal, but I would like to be able to tell people what it's called when I tell them about it. Oh, well. I'm still waiting to near news from my first novel, but so far nothing. It's been months since I've heard from them. My publishers are kind of... detached. They never tell me anything. It took them months to send me back a reply for questions. Urgh. Patience is a virtue. Not that it makes it easy. No way. But it must be done. Just like finishing a story.

I think it's a writer...?

Well, if there's one thing I've learned about writing, it's to just Go! Go! Go! Don't stop no matter what! Fill out every thought that crosses your mind, then when the time is right, just take away what doesn't need to be there. Or free writes too, in which case nothing needs to be taken away, changed, or even edited. It's wonderful! It never makes any sense, but it's wonderful all the same.
I'm still so hesitant to let people read my stuff though... Artists Modesty Syndrome? Dunno. I was having a problem like that with a client who wanted a poster design for the play he wrote. I had his name below the title but he wanted it smaller. And in a corner. And the same color as the background. Well, needless to say, I didn't give him that much leniency. But I think a lot of people are like that. I don't mind taking some credit with my art, but writing is a whole other story. Pardon the pun.
I don't know if that's being scared of judgement or scared of rejection. Both, maybe? Everyone wants to feel at least somewhat excepted in the world. The fear of putting ourselves out there and getting shot down is a common one. Sadly enough, I've heard from other writers that critics so nothing for you. Unless their criticism is valid, which it usually isn't. People's separate opinions won't help your writing improve. Even when you get good comments, and some people say your stuff is great while others say it stinks, I've heard to ignore it all. Because chances are, you'll be different to everyone. The only opinion that matters is your own. Well, that's not always helpful either, since writers tend to hate their own work sometimes. But it's better than false criticism or false praise.

Another day, really?

Today, I had to finish a project for my internship, and I only had two hours to do it. So had I to pick out the photos I wanted to use, clean them up, place them all in, adjust them, and put a gradient on one that was giving me so much trouble!
And it didn't help that my computer decided to be extra slow. I can imagine what it would say if it could talk. "Ooooh, a deadline; I think I'll hinder her progress by working at 12%."
Stupid Mac.
But it's done now and it looks great. Hurray. Now if I could just finish my story. I'm rounding it's progress up to 75%, but a case of the 'I'm not good enough' has struck me so I think I'll just edit. Just hide in my closet and edit things and when people come by they can wonder where I've gone. Anyway, such is life. I guess.

I'd rather...

Me-"Okay, what should I do today?"
Friend-"Write"
Me-"I think I'll play video games"
Friend-"Go write, or I'll destroy all the sugar in your house."
Me-"*gasp*! That reminds me, I need to buy more sugar!"
Friend-"Arrh."
Me-"Maybe I'll watch TV"
Friend-"Write!"
Me-"Uhhh..."
Friend-"Now"
Me-"Never!"
I run away.
Procrastination... A terrible disease cured only by a friend slapping you with a soggy noodle. For three hours. Don't do it! It's bad for you're health!
I'd rather watch TV.

Random Ranting

Ah, hardships... aren't they wonderful? I got a good idea for a story yesterday, but I'll put my new ideas aside for now to write my main story. Writing is hard enough without distraction. In fact, I've found that I actually prefer to write at 11:00 pm to 1:00 in the morning, which is hard to keep up when I have school to get to the next day. Ah, well. It'll work out.
Most people find a lot of cool music to listen to while they write... me, I just find some songs I really love and then end up playing them over and over again until the song is so firmly stuck in my head that I hear it all night and into the morning. Right now, I'm stuck on a song that I just love! It's called Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback. I found a really cool Final Fantasy AMV on Youtube with this song and it is just AWESOME!!! Somehow, if you take a worn out song and add an AMV to it, it makes it instantly twenty times the song it once was. Freaky, huh? But the new story inside the song just revitalizes my enjoyment of the song.
Anything with Final Fantasy is usually pretty good. I really want to make a movie or series for a Final Fantasy 7 story one day. All the characters are so in depth and relatable. I'm going to aim for that in my story too. All character have their own story, even the minors. That's not to say they ever get their moment to shine, but maybe it will just give them that little something in their small moment of glory.

Just Another Road Block

Well, you know when you're in bad shape when you're glad for bad news. I'm just about to undertake a heck of a challenge. At the risk of losing my health forever, I've resigned to surrendering a great many of my favorite foods in an attempt to combat allergies that I never knew I had. I guess I'm searching for some encouragement. Whether I can get it in this virtual dimension or not, I'm going to give it a try.
I just don't know what I'm going to do. So much to change, and not nearly enough tolerance to make it. I hope this works. "Take a breath, take a leap, no matter which way this goes, it's worth holding on to."

Ah... Reading, Writing, and the Undead

Reading, such a wonderful thing! You can go on whatever adventure you want, make friends(or enemies) with all the characters. It's so much fun, I don't understand why some people don't like to do it.
I guess I'm just a dreamer; I like to spend at least half my time in a different world. This little one I live in now is so exhausting. Writing is bliss, a gift from heaven. What better place to spend my free time? Except maybe at the bookstore. I don't even have to read the books to enjoy myself. I think I just like the concept of books in general. They're well designed(usually), they're made of paper, and they can be organized so nicely on a shelf. If you've seen Beauty and the Beast(you should have), you know how the castle has that amazing library? That's what I want to have one day. Forget the house. Just give me a giant library with a cot or something. I'll be happy.
Although, I'm starting to get concerned about the number of vampire books out. The Target store I go to used to have a Teen section. Now it's the Vampire section. Reds, blacks, and ice blues as far as the eye can see. I think the Undead theme is in. Once it was monkeys, then penguins, now the undead. I've noticed an incline in zombie games too; though I'm not complaining because those are fun. Anyway, if it's not vampires, it's werewolves and zombies and all manner of creatures of the night. There's a lot of dragon themed books too. I love dragons, although I haven't read a lot of them that were spectacular. I think I'll write a story about phoenixes. How often is that done? Maybe I'll just stick to what I'm doing right now. Although, I can't wait to write a comedy. A zombie parody...? Maybe!

Be Back Soon

-Gone Writing.
Be back soon.
cheers :)

Letter of the Seven

I'm glad your back. Things always seem to get rough when you're ill. But you're getting somewhere! Era's on a roll right now, I can tell. Eon's slacking a bit, but he'll change. Who needs the muse anyway? You're doing fine without her. Hey, maybe you'll even make her a little jealous? I hope so.
Vaark must still be angry though, because things aren't doing too well in his department. Do you have some kind of block against organized thought or something because this happens a lot more than I'd like. I don't want to be tripping over things in the dark, so at least pick up the pieces. Sable should help you out. I think she's slacking right now, though. That's your department. Talk some sense into her.
Stay sharp. I'll be checking in. Don't take this for granted. You can do it.

-The Wish Writer

Designing

Today, off the topic of writing, I just finished designing a centerpiece for the new gym being built at my school. I guess I'm just excited. I've been designing a lot of stuff lately and I'm happy because I've just started to realize how good my work is! It's not the best, and I'm still working on some stuff, but if it's good enough to get compliments from professionals, that must be a good sign. So I've been hoping to get a job in graphic design and what I really want to do is design covers or book jackets. Or illustrate. I have no idea how to get a job like that, but that's probably the ideal career for me. Books, books, books. I love it.

Just a Thought

You know how people say that artists suffer for their work? I don't always understand that, but writers-we suffer for our work. But its not because of the writing itself(always), I think it's the other way around. We write because we've suffered. Somehow, it gives us what we need to write convincing truths. It makes the pain of our characters seem much more believable. Of course, it's not like we have to get shot to imagine the pain for a character or anything. But isn't it easier to base fiction in truth? Don't the best characters reflect part of the author and his/her experiences?
I wondering where people stand on the case. The people I give my work to to read are always saying they're trying to find me in my characters. They can, of course. So I'm thinking about how deep the psychology of it all goes. How much is fact, and how much is fiction?

Short Story- Part 2

Okay, we seem to be on the right track. This is part of central Digilo. Very dangerous. You never know what horrible things are sneaking up behind you. So always check behind you. In fact, it would probably be easier just to walk backwards. That way you’re always looking behind you. Yeah, let’s go with that. Oh, but be careful you don’t walk into things. Dangerous things. Whoa, watch out, there’s an angry golem behind you! Nah, made you look. You’re quite gullible. I’m having fun. Isn’t this fun?
*sigh* I think we’ve been walking in circles. Look, I know we’ve passed that rock before. What do you mean “it looks like all the other rocks?” It most certainly does not! That one is much more round and it has a little knobby thing at the end. Right there, see? It’s like a rock pariah. And besides all that, it’s getting dark. Well, darker. It’s always dark in Digilo. But when it’s dark dark, nightmarish creatures come out. You might be devoured! It would be so tragic. What would I do without you to tease? I know! I can’t imagine it either! Therefore, we should find shelter! Some place dark and eerie and dangerous. Huh? That defeats the purpose of what? Don’t be ridiculous. The monsters would never think to look in a place like that for people. They always look in the safest, brightest, most secure place for their meals. You worry too much. Trust me; my logic is GENIUS! Here’s the plan—we go to that little cave thing on the map and hide out there until the ‘slightly lighter than dark but still quite dark’ morning. Then we’ll sneak out and look for this imaginary exit of yours. Upon not finding this exit, I will then laugh at your face and force you to say that I was right all along. Bwah ha ha! I can’t wait!

There is no time for rest and no time for doubt. This is a life and death situation. The outcome of this event will change everything. The circumstances are dire. This may very well be the last time we speak. Oh, cruel world! Thou have such a way of torment and casts agony upon thy wretched soul. You must carry on without me! You hear me? Go on without me! For as I suffer, please know that you will live on and be happy! Live for me! Be happy for me! And do not look back and regret my loss! It is alright. I did not plan on eating that sandwich anyway. It looks much nicer there upon the dirt; contrasted by the soft lamp’s light and the brown, brown soil. It is such a sad thing to see your lunch fall to the ground and know that you will never be able to taste the wonders of that particular sandwich. It is painful to walk away and see it get smaller in the distance and know it is far better that you did not pick it back up and eat it anyway. Because like most things in life, it is not a pleasant experience to see what you loved so dearly dirtied by the world. Unfortunately, there is a vast amount of dirt in the world and it is unavoidable that someday you too will drop your precious lunch and have to walk away feeling unfulfilled. (literally). I will never forget the loss I have experienced here today. Now…
What was I talking about? Your expression of annoyance distracted me. It was something about baseball, right? Oh, well. Forget that. The more important thing is that the cave should be right over there. Finally, a shelter; a place to hide from the creatures of the night. Just a little farther! We’re so close! Run faster! I think I see it! This is just too perfect! Yes, YES! We’re here! And… it’s not here. Wha—? Why? Where? Give me that map. Let’s see… Yes. We’re here… That little thing that looks like a hazard sign is right here… And where we are right now is here. Hmm. Oh, this is a coffee stain. My bad. Come on, now, anyone could make a mistake like that. We’ll just turn around and head back to the clown thing and everything will be—Holy cow!
T-there’s a huge snake beast behind you! No, this time I’m serious! Watch where you’re going. Move! Geez, be more careful. I thought for sure it was going to swallow you whole. When it ate you up to your knees, boy that was scary! I would have lost the map. Oh, and you too of course. Yeah. That’s important. I told you it’s dangerous out here, didn’t I? You should be more considerate to those monsters; they just lost their lunch you know. And I can relate to that. It’s a sad, sad thing to lose your lunch. But hey, no biggie. There’s always the second time around. It’s called dinner. Let’s make sure we’re not around for then, kay? I’m more of a breakfast person myself anyway. It’s the meal that starts the day, right? It’s great. Perfect, even. Yup. So I guess this means we’re still going to keep looking for this “exit”, huh? Well lead the way.
Come again? What do you mean you don’t know the way? I gave you a map!
… The monster ate it?! I don’t believe this! First you drop into Digilo unexpected without even calling ahead, then you go and steal my map, and then you have the nerve to give it to a monster for supper? You are a very bad person indeed! Deep breath… Fine, fine. This isn’t so bad. Things have been worse. I mean, not long ago I dropped my sandwich on the ground. It doesn’t get much worse than that. We’ll just have to use my vast knowhow of Digilo to find the Ever Elusive Exit. The EEE, for short.

To be continued...

Motivation

You know, I'm always asking advice of other writers and always looking for answers to questions that only make sense in my head. I asked a writer how she kept herself motivated to write and how she kept herself inspired. I wanted to know how to do it myself.
Honestly, there is no answer. There's no advice to be given. If I'm a true writer, I'll do it. I'll motivate myself; that's how everyone does it. There's no secret. I guess I'm too stubborn to believe that. But whatever. It's okay. I'm writing more tonight. My story will come back to me. I can just write other things until then. Like this blog. Yeah...
Besides, it seems that whenever I read other author's stuff too much, I lose my own sense of style and adapt theirs until it wears off. I must be some kind of sponge.
... Sponge Cake. That's good stuff. Cream filling... Anyway, it's probably best to read my own stuff for a while. Worth a try. Maybe I should wish for some inspiration.

Going... maybe

Okay, I wrote about three sentences yesterday. Hurray. It's all I could do and I feel like I'm standing in a field, watching all these amazing words float past me and I'm unable to catch any of them. Someone give me a net. Or some flypaper or something. I've got to get going. Why is writing so hard sometimes?
Anyway, I guess I just feel more like designing right now. I'd rather be on Illustrator than Word. But I will attempt more tonight! I swear it on my dessert! (Not really)
I just gave a copy of my manuscript to someone to read/edit/tell me how awful it is. (First draft) And so hopefully, she'll bug me to finish the rest of the story and maybe that will get me going too. I really hate to give my unfinished stuff to people to read, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I get german chocolate cake for desert.

Short Story- Part 1

This is just a funny short story I wrote to cheer myself up. Enjoy.

Welcome to Disney Land!!! Just kidding! This is not Disney Land, but more like a hellish and horrific version of such a fantasy park. This is Digilo. Hurry and count to three! Spin around, quick! You must neutralize the curse that has just come upon you! Don’t just stand there and stare, hurry and do it! Oh, wait. No… too late. Yup, you’re cursed. What? It’s your own fault. You should have listened. Don’t get mad at me just because you’re listening skills are lax. Heheh. I was kidding again. Sorry, sorry. It’s just too easy. But, back to business. Here are the facts: you really are in Digilo, a horrid place that is indeed like a sinister version of a certain amusement park. You are in fact all alone here with no help whatsoever and no one is going to come and save you. Most likely, you will suffer a horrendous death and be easily forgotten. But hey, look at the bright side.
…
Hmm. Yeah. See that tiny little light over there under that trashcan? Yeah, that’s the bright side. So look at it. Maybe it will do something interesting—if you’re lucky; which you must not be because you ended up here. And what about me, you ask? Well that’s obvious. … No I’m not going to tell you! I said it was a secret! Oh, I said “obvious”. Well, it’s an obvious-secret, okay! Now where was I? Oh yeah. So, you’ll never get out of here. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, nev—okay this is boring. Tell you what? I’ll give you this map of Digilo. You can just go see for yourself. No, you’ve got it upside-down. Okay, yeah, it goes like this. See that little clown shaped thing? That’s where we are. … I don’t care if you don’t like clowns! Now, see up here? There’s a cave and there’s a place of pain and misery. It’s got a little smiley-face icon, see? Don’t bother asking me. So, you can look around all you want and you’ll see that there is absolutely, positively, and without-a-doubt no possible way out.
What? The big EXIT icon? Pfft. That’s no exit! It’s… well it’s a…
Fine! Go check it out if you want. Go find the “escape” route, see if I care! There is no way I’m leaving the clown area.
O-okay. W-wait for me. I’m not scared! You took my only map! You fiend! You map stealer! You sicken me! And I trusted you. I guess I’ll just have to go along and make sure you don’t steal anything else, sticky-fingers.

I interrupt this story for an important news bulletin. All neighborhoods in the Digilo area; please be on the lookout for a conniving and fiendish map stealer! You’re maps will be stolen and you will find yourself lost on an empty highway with no direction and you will want to cry like a baby. This notorious map stealer will be caught and persecuted upon capture. If you have any information concerning this evil, evil person, please notify us as 1-800-DisneyLand. Be on the lookout and please make sure to keep your maps in a safe and secure location until the perpetrator has been brought to justice. We now return you to your regularly scheduled story.

What? Don’t look at me like that! I was just trying to kill the time. I’m not the criminal here. Anyway, we should be there pretty soon. Oh! Stop! Stop! I just had a brilliant idea! We should… walk at a snail’s pace. Oh, wait; WE’RE ALREADY DOING THAT! Pick up the pace please, unless you want a giant worm-like beast to come over here and eat your fingers off one by one! Hehe, I said please. And besides, you don’t know what kind of terrible creatures lurk around these parts. There are huge, enormous, no… MONSTEROUS… er… monsters about! There are ones with giant, sharp fangs made of… teeth. And small poisonous ones with… poison. And there are even some so horrible and terrifying, just describing them would made your hair spontaneously combust! (That’s ‘catch on fire’ for those of you who like to steal maps)
This is a cruel and unforgiving place. There are those who are eaten, and those who eat the ones who ate the eaten. And then there are those who just die. Yeah, lots of those too. But no one ever escapes, because no one knows where the exit is or even if the exit exists. I can only hope that someday I might exit the existing exit and leave this terrible place. But I doubt even you will find the way out on that silly map. For you see, that silly map is something I like to call “fake”. And like all the fake things in the world, it is usually not very helpful and makes you feel hollow and foolish inside. That’s why it’s a good thing my map isn’t fake. I’d use my not fake map if I could find it but it seems to be missing. So I guess that one will have to do.

to be continued...

Void

My mind has been in a dark void for some time. I keep thinking about death and how fragile and scary life can be. I know, I'm depressing. But I really hate thinking like that. Sometimes, it's just hard to make yourself happy, no matter what you do. Normally, I'd say that having other people around to help would make me feel better, but honestly, that just makes it worse. People don't always understand. And when they try to get me to spill it, I feel less like telling them. *sigh. I think I'll just go read a book.

Letter of the Seven

I'm proud of you. I hope you're going to continue to show some initiative. Just keep going, don't look back. And stop wasting time with less important things.
It's kind of tough, so I prefer having Vin run around. He's the one in charge of these things. Glad it's not me.
But, hey, if you need any support, I'll do my best. Can't tell you when the Muse will be around again.
Anyway, keep on going. Era says hi. And she wants to know if you're doing any quick changes. She doesn't like surprises. I know you do, so try not to startle her.

-The Wish Writer

Blox Blox Blox

Other than a crippling bout of writer's block, I feel okay about things right now. I've taken some time to try and re-inspire. Well, the time was given to me anyway, by my fickle muse who is only reliable for a day or two at a time.
It's not that I don't want to write, or even don't feel like writing. It's just that when I try sometimes, I get going at three-words-per-hour. Usually, I end up deleting it all by the next day too. Eventually, I just crack and all that creative flow comes rushing back for a week or so. I'm a slow-going writer. But I'll finish the story no matter what.

Letter of the Seven

You're burning wishes left and right. Get a clue, you've got to step up.

This is the last time I'm going to go gallivanting through the dark for you. I know all about the deadlines and I wish you'd tell me what's going on. When I was at the shop I ran into Varrk. If you remember anything from last week, you'll probably be able to guess what he said.
"There's no changing things if Shade's not willing to put in the work." And he had the most awful grimace when he said it.
Honestly, I didn't have a reply because I completely agree with him. I don't mind being your backup, but the main responsibility falls to you. You should consider what you put the rest of us through at times. If you want to make it, stop burning wishes.

-The Wish Writer

To be brave?

How do you be brave? You just focus on something you need to do and go for it, right? It's so much harder than that though, isn't it? And I'm sure everyone understands. The hardest part is knowing that it's not something you can just pick up somewhere. You can't grow into it. It can't be taught. You need to find it within yourself. And that takes some MAJOR soul searching.
I truly admire the people who can rush into circumstances that require courage without a second thought.
The reason I bring it up is that I just gave a copy of my story to my Grandmother as a gift before it gets published. And I'm so embarrassed about it. I don't know how other authors felt the first time they knew someone would read their work. I don't know how they handled the knowledge that they would soon be the center of admiration or criticism. Or both. I'm proud of my own work. But I can't take criticism. Bad news for a writer. It's a serious problem, and I know, I need to toughen up. Not everyone will like what I write. Get over it.
People criticize my art all the time. I'm okay with that, to a reasonable degree. But when someone reads my work, I get so anxious. I think it's because writing just goes so deep. It's my passion, my deepest and truest dream. When writers write, we put our very souls into our work. Writer's like me, we don't always cherish every word we put down, but we try to. We want to. And what we write evolves into something amazing. It's a part of us. It contains bits of who we are; our fears, our hopes and dreams, our love really... But if other writers will agree with this or not, I don't know. I'm sure not everyone is as soft as me.

Changes

When I think of the world, there's so much I want to do, and so much I fear. Last night, I stood outside listening to the wind. From where I live, I can see the city. The lights flickered like fireflies against the dark sky. You can't help but feel so small then. Sometimes, it feels so easy to get swallowed by the darkness around you. I'm always keeping hope that someday, things won't be so bad. I want to be alive to see the world change for the better.
Long ago, when the world was new, I think I would be afraid to live then and there. There was so much danger. But now, things haven't improved much. The only difference is that now, it seems like people are creating their own downfalls, as well as the downfall of others.
Don't get me wrong, there are so many good people in the world. It took me a long time to see that, and I regret not seeing it sooner. But when I hear about all the disasters happening in the world (and to countries other than my own no less), it seems like the good people and the bad people draw their lines. Their true colors appear in times of desperation and tragedy. Maybe this is a good thing. Everyone comes together, total strangers, and it amazes me how many people rush to help those who need it.
This revitalizes my hope, because it means I have a little less to fear. There are good people out there to help; to make this world a better place. Someday, I hope that people like these will have a greater power over corruption.

Welcome to the Life

What is this for? I don't really know. I just want it to help me. I need all the help I can get. It doesn't matter if I feel silly or ashamed or like I'm conforming to an over-glorified way of digital communication.
I've got a wish. I want to write. I want to write until the day turns dark and the dark turns to a dismal overcast morning. The problem is, everyone wants to write. Whether they do or not is up to them but EVERYONE wants to write. I can't take a walk down the street without bumping into someone with a hope of someday writing a book. I can't watch TV without hearing about some celebrity or host having written a few. I know that doesn't mean much; why let that distract me from my own dreams? But where once being a writer made people feel special and unique, now if I tell someone I'm writing a book, my response is "Oh, yeah? That's nice. Wanna get a drink?"
I've found that because everyone believes they can write a book (even when they have zero skills or training) and publishers are scrambling to get every cent they can from author's earnings, I can't ever find a good book to read! I've resorted to safely following authors I know I like and never trying anything new.
Not only that, but how on Earth can I judge my own skills in the publishing world when people are getting published just because they're famous? Good stories gone to waste and trash being popped out of the publishing houses like stale popcorn everyday... I can't help but feel cold inside.
If I had a hundred wishes, I'd make sure one went out to all the writers with good ideas and loads of talent to get published. If I had ONE wish... well, it would probably be to have superpowers or something. But as a writer, I'm going to make it with my own talent. I'm going to find a great idea, make it my own, and set a new standard in the world of writing. Someday, somehow. Famous last words.